|Me at about age 4. Cute as a button!|
Where is the happy, strongly independent woman I should have been, I thought I would have been? The same woman who should have been successful with no worries about money, health or guilt(for numerous reasons)?
|Married 1983 ~ Happy and so much hope and potential for a an exciting life ahead. Thankfully we're still together. His story is his own.|
As I sit here only a few weeks away from turning 59 I just feel tired, beaten, sad and stuck without any idea where I'm going. For some time I've been watching time get away from me, very quickly, and I find that quite scary! I have become very apathetic and 'just don't feel like it' or 'just don't want to do it!'
Perhaps it has a bit to do with this appalling heat we're having here where I live in south east Queensland this summer. Well, at this point of time anyway. It just seems to suck all the energy and motivation right out of me! I'm also still having flushes from the hormone unbalance that comes with menopause, and though I once loved the hot sunny weather when I was younger, I'm finding it so very hard to cope with these days. Have you noticed that you're finding everything harder the older you get, if you feel behind the 8 ball?! Whoo! I know I have! :)
I feel there are a number of reasons for feeling/being who I am today. Emotional upheaval from menopause, above mentioned hot climate, being stuck in noisy suburbia amongst others a wee bit too personal to mention.
A couple of weeks ago I had a moment where I thought to myself "I DO NOT want to live the rest of my life feeling this bad!"
So I decided to change some things in my life ~ my way of eating, make a vision board, stop beating myself up for things that aren't done(work in progress!!), try to do a bit more exercise(working on that too!), reading and doing more about good health and feeling happier. Hoping to add more good things, inspiration, to this list. Let go of some things, some ideas and ideals. Try new things, find another path.
If only this heat and/or the hot flushing would let up I might get there faster! :)
I've tried changes before but they never stayed, always I let something get in the way. But I feel my resolve this time is stronger and I feel better about it all this time. Why am I publishing this for the whole world to read? I don't know really.....maybe something about putting it down on paper/in writing, so to speak, that might help move it along? and as I've seen other bloggers put it, I'll hopefully feel more committed to succeeding so I don't look or feel like a complete doofus!? lol
Meanwhile I am really enjoying all the tasty green smoothies for breakfast in my quest to add much more green plant life to my diet. In times of less stress and less heat I play around with some very yummy recipes that I find on the foodie blogs I've started following. Gluten free, vegan, even raw dishes, no processed foods!
|Cilantro Spinach Sweet Potato Soup ~ My New Roots even my husband enjoyed this bowl of lush green gorgeousness! :)|
Here's to much more energy and happy in my life!
The trouble is, you think you have time. ~ Buddha